In Search of Sleep

by Kay Kay

Published July 31, 2006

Tossing and turning throughout the night
I listen to the nearby train
Who cries out in the lonely night
For company,
The hum of the TV,
Trying my best to find sleep,
But it eludes me,
While torturing me with a smile.
I try hard to grasp hold of it
Like in the dream where
The hallway never ends.
It hides in the dark like a wolf looking
For prey,
Waiting for the perfect moment
To attack.
Still I toss and turn,
Wrinkling the bed sheets.
Sleep is no longer reachable
And I beg it to come,
But it taunts me even more.
Right as I am about to give up
And climb out of bed,
Sleep takes me in his arms
Until finally,
I drift off before sleep can
Play its game of
Hide and seek again

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Ares
Comment
Ares commented Comment · Aug 1, 2006

I agree with Xanthan. Other than that, you might wanna try to balance it out a little more, and tweak the ending. People having trouble sleeping usually don't just drift off.

Overall it's good work though.

-MH

User avatar
xanthan gum
Comment
xanthan gum commented Comment · Aug 1, 2006

Tossing and turning throughout the night
I listen to the nearby train
Who cries out in the lonely night

Overuse of "night".

Hope you get some sleep.



It’s not unorthodox, I thought it was beautiful.
— Jimi Hendrix